Why Do I Feel so Alone
You feel so alone because you feel that you don’t belong here. You don’t feel connected with anything around you.
You don’t feel connected because your attention is mostly on how different everyone else is from you.
Your understanding of the world, your likes and dislikes, your desires and needs, down to the very minute details, cannot accept the world as it is.
But the good news is that it is not your fault, and there is nothing wrong with it.
Let’s explore how…
What is loneliness?
We are often in situations which may be pleasant or unpleasant for us, but rarely do we try to understand what it really is.
Let’s try to define loneliness very objectively. We have already talked about the thought patterns. Some of them are like this: no one understands me, no one can really know who I really am, no one cares enough to listen to me, I am very different from everyone around me, I have nothing to talk to these people, and the list goes on and on but do you see the commonality?
They are all focused on differences rather than similarities. They are all designed to create a space between you and everyone else.
The other part of loneliness is emotions and feelings. Have you noticed that loneliness is not always there? It comes and goes, as with everything else in this universe.
How does it physically feel when it comes up? Do you feel your eyes tearing up? Or do you notice your shoulders falling?
I encourage you to tune into it and discover for yourself. But what will this noticing or observation do?
I will explain in a little while. Let’s first explore the reasons that lead you here.
Reasons for loneliness
Not getting heard
One of the reasons could be that you, as a child, did not get heard a lot. However, you cannot blame your parents for this because they could do only a little better than what was done to them.
You see if a child is not heard for a long period of time, they will someday conclude that people around them can never understand them and that they are not valuable.
Mostly, this leads such children to obsessive internal self-talk and, ultimately, daydreaming, as we call it. Once this habit is developed and adopted, it creates a distance from the present moment. This, in turn, gradually fades the natural human ability to engage with people and situations while simultaneously distancing other people from the child. You can imagine what effects it will have on social skills.
Not being able to communicate
So, the child grows up but with a lack of focus on the outer world. As a grownup, they are usually not able to communicate effectively with people because they have not learned and adapted simple attention-grabbing skills, like making eye contact or even holding the hand of another person when they have a hard time paying attention.
Another factor is that you have been focusing inward for most of your life, and keeping attention while listening to another person is challenging for you.
As you know, the human mind works on stimulus and response. If there is not a strong stimulus, the response will be almost nonexistent. You only speak out your response. So, you see, if you don’t listen, you won’t know what to say, and if you don’t say anything, you will start alienating people.
How does the loneliness cycle continue?
So, loneliness keeps repeating itself as a cycle. When you talk to someone, they don’t listen (either because you can’t communicate effectively or they are suffering from attention deficit), your subconscious process of “I can’t relate” starts, and all the relevant emotions come up and pull you down until the next time.
Now, let’s see what opportunities loneliness can bring for you. Remember, every negative has a positive. After that, we will review some effective and easy ways to overcome loneliness.
Opportunities provided by loneliness
It may seem all negative, but here are a couple of things which can assist you in this situation.
Are you tired? Both physical and psychological loneliness can be extremely restful. All you have to do is notice. It may not be the strongest aspect, but it certainly is there. I know you are sad in this situation, but can you just try a little to notice the peace and restfulness that comes with it?
There is peace even in loneliness; it is not so bad after all, you will observe.
Finding peace with all your feelings is very important for your well-being because it will stop creating more and more pain every time loneliness comes up. This is an opportunity from nature to provide you with rest.
Use loneliness as a meditative state
As you have observed, our minds are constantly trying to find reasons for our problems.
Nothing wrong with that, but what if I ask you to give up that need for a little while and just use this time as an opportunity to observe what you are feeling?
Is it really that bad to feel loneliness? I encourage you to feel the body sensations of loneliness without interference. This helps release the emotional pain that has been accumulated for a long time.
Will you not give yourself the company that you long for from another?
This experience is here not to cause you pain but to bring out the pain and work it out… but only if you let it.
Here are some of the ways you can reduce your feeling of loneliness when it becomes a little too much for you.
